The 5 Truths About Finding Love Later in Life

Truth be told, I am loving it.

By
Published August 13, 2026
Stylized illustration on a dark red background showing two people dancing and holding hands within a large pink arch. Around them are smaller scenes depicting a portrait photograph, an open book, exercise, two people standing together, a handshake, a person with a heart symbol on their shirt, and two people seated and talking. A blue bird stretches across the image, connecting the different scenes
Vidhya Nagarajan

Do you want to fall madly in love one more time? Feel that surge of passion? Give that “soul mate” fantasy one last spin?

I’d love to tell you it happened to me, but…

What I can tell you is that seven years ago, at 63, I found love with a handsome, smart professor who is constantly learning, adores his three daughters and seven grandchildren, shares my values and treats me regally. My children like him, and he’s an affable and generous companion. We have as much fun binge-watching a show on Netflix as we do traveling the world.

I’m 70 now, and “my Danny,” which is what I call him, is 79. I also call him “Love Bug,” because I love him, and he bugs me, and he knows he bugs me. He calls me “Princess” — for all the reasons a man would call his girlfriend “Princess.”

I felt no tsunami wave of passion when we met.

But I liked something about him more — he had taken care of Sue, his wife of 45 years, when she was dying of cancer.

He loved and adored his wife for almost all of his life.

To me, this was sexier than that whole “soul mate” scenario. (I think we can have many “soul” connections in our lives, and they can be friends as well as lovers.)

In my 70 years, I have had three relationships that lasted more than seven years: my 17-year marriage to a man I still adore, an eight-year romance with a man I still adore and my current seven-year relationship with Love Bug.

I adore him, too — but because I’m wiser now than I was at 30 and 50, I understand him and myself differently than I once did.

Here are five truths I’ve learned:

Know yourself to be known — and loved

If you want to find love, especially late in your life, consider your own self-awareness and what you bring to a relationship.

Think you’re self-aware? Organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich shared that about 95 percent of people think they’re self-aware, but only about 10–15 percent actually are.

“[Self-awareness] is the ability to see ourselves clearly, to understand who we are, how others see us and how we fit into the world,” she said in a TED talk. “Self-awareness gives us power.”

Self-aware people have stronger relationships, are more confident and communicate more clearly and from a position of loving intent.

People who are not self-aware react impulsively, often repeat mistakes and are defensive and blame others. They take offense quickly, often feel slighted by others, are petty and often unhappy — and they have never examined why their own behaviors have limited their friendships.

After my divorce in 2007, I went to therapy and devoted myself to working on myself. I had to address my fear of abandonment, which stemmed from the death of my father when I was 9.

Therapy made me a healthier, more self-aware person. When I found myself single at 63, I sought a partner who had done some work on himself — or was willing to do so.

My Danny had done no work on himself. Like many partners in long marriages, he and his late wife never examined their feelings in depth or even spoke much about them. After Sue died, Dan’s grief was compounded by the realization that he really did not know Sue well.

He wrote an essay about this for HuffPost, “My Wife of 45 Years Died. I Thought I Truly Knew Her — Until I Discovered Her Journals.” His piece was read by millions of people. He touched a nerve: so many of us don’t know how to share deep or difficult feelings.

If you’re over 60, you simply have less time to mess around with small or petty people, and you certainly do not want to be one.

First step: get The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a short book that “reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering.”

Second step: get a therapist. Dan did. His therapist challenged his assumptions. (That is Agreement No. 3: Don’t Make Assumptions.) She also diagnosed him with ADHD, a revelation he wished he had discovered decades ago.

The kids matter

Dan has three grown daughters. They were wary of me when I showed up a year after their mother’s death, and that makes sense.

I have long blonde hair, a boho style and a quippy mouth — and their mother was quiet and reserved.

I didn’t take this personally. (That’s Agreement No. 2 of the Four Agreements: Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing anybody does is because of you. It’s because of them.)

And I understand the fear of abandonment. So, I made it clear that I was not after Dan’s money or his house or even any time he would otherwise spend with them.

Also, I spend time with my own grown children and my own friends without Dan. We both had full lives before we met, and…

Memories matter

If you haven’t heard Taylor Swift’s song for the movie Toy Story 5, “I Knew It, I Knew You,” give it a listen. It’s essentially about honoring past relationships and the good memories that never fade, even when relationships change.

Healthy people honor the memories of their partners. If you’re dating a widower, ask him directly: “Do you feel emotionally ready for a new relationship?”

If you demand he take down the photos of his late wife because those photos make you feel insecure, consult a therapist — and don’t take it personally.

I will never be “the love of Dan’s life.” That position was taken when I showed up, and that has nothing to do with me, nor does it lessen our love for each other.

Warm touch beats wham-bam sex

We’re still in good shape and operational in the sex department. That being said, warm hugs or a hand to hold in the middle of the night are more important to me now than “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” sex. You can wham and bam as much as you want, and we still do…but I value cuddling more than ever.

The secret to a good relationship is to be with a good person

Let’s wake up and smell the calendar here. We do not have time or energy to waste with people who add no value to our lives.

The late author and psychiatrist Dr. Gordon Livingston said the secret to lasting love is simple: choose a good person.

“Traits exist in constellations,” Livingston explains in his book, How to Love. “Kindness, loyalty and dependability are traits that co-exist and are usually stable over time. Impulsivity, dishonesty and self-absorption co-exist as well.”

So, if that new partner seems exciting but also impulsive — check out the quality of his other relationships. If he talks about himself constantly, perhaps his self-absorption leaves no room for you.

Ultimately, a good match is only as good as we are — separately and together.

Dan and I are as imperfect as a Love Bug and a Princess can be…but now that we’re too old and too wise to expect a fairy-tale ending, we can relax with each other and just have fun.

Have any of YOU found love later in life? Let us know in the comments below.

Jan Tuckwood is an award-winning journalist who was associate editor and revenue content director of The Palm Beach Post for 30 years. She’s also a former fashion editor of The Denver Post, and her work has appeared in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post and Glamour magazine, among other publications. She is the editor of five books, including the official history book of Palm Beach County, and she is the co-author of Too Young to Be Old, the 2022 memoir of Diane Gilman, HSN’s “Jean Queen.”