After 25 years of marriage ended in divorce, I reluctantly re-entered the dating world at age 50. After much reflection, I realized what went wrong in my marriage, including growing apart because we failed to nurture our relationship. I vowed not to repeat that mistake in any future relationships.
I tried online and speed dating events before I found my mate in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous! Our first date was a ride on his motorcycle, and a decade later, we are still together. Neither of us wants to marry again, though this is the real thing — a healthy and committed relationship.
AA encourages emotionally vulnerable discourse in the meetings, and participants get to know each other on a very deep level. After all, people attend AA meetings because they want to transform their lives, lives that can feel like they are falling apart. That type of open communication leads to fulfilling connections outside of AA’s rooms, as it did for my partner and me.
Love happens when people are in the right place at the right time, joined by common needs and hobbies that can lead to attraction. I got to know many couples who met during social activities sponsored by my Road Runners Club of America running group and later married. I trained for a marathon with this group and experienced the joy of watching people ride well beyond the club into solid relationships.
Finding those relationships that can turn into long-term love also happens spontaneously at places of worship, library lectures, book signings and lifelong learning classes. You sign up because the topic or speaker evokes a strong interest, as do other like-minded participants. Strong interests can turn into strong passions! So, if finding the next love of your life is a priority, sign up and show up at any event that sparks your interest, and you never know what can happen!
Washington, D.C. matchmaker Michelle Jacoby, 58, has many friends who met their partners playing pickleball, a game popular with retired adults. She has even hosted some singles pickleball events. “In fact, two of my friends ended up getting married on the very court they met on,” says Jacoby.
She counsels her clients to look beyond initial impressions for the “gooey center” of potential mates. Think about what you value most in a partner, which likely has changed over the years, especially after a divorce. In my youth, I sought excitement over contentedness. Now, my partner remains attractive to me because he is reliable, seeks continued growth and we have many shared interests, including working with people in recovery who need help. He taught me how to have fun without alcohol. We enjoy live music, good food and travel.
Do not discount the value of simply keeping yourself open and friendly as you go about your daily activities. Love found Jenny Sharp, 58, of Parksville, Canada, without her looking for it. She met her third husband when they were neighbors in the same building. Their relationship started with conversations in their building’s common areas and eventually bloomed into love. Sharp considers herself a winner in the third-time-is-a-charm category!