What it Takes to Make Friends Later in Life

Here are three simple tips that can help.

By

Linda Yellin

 
Published April 23, 2026

Last summer, my sister Gina and her husband moved from their longtime home in Illinois to a 55+ community in Maryland. The goal was to live closer to their grandkids, but before she’d even unpacked, Gina was already lamenting that she had no friends.

“It’s been two days!” I said. “Give it time.” Still, I understood how she felt.

When I was 45, after two-and-a-half years of back-and-forth airplane flights, I moved from Chicago to New York to marry my now-husband, Randy. I was so excited to be with The Man I Love that it took me a while to realize I didn’t have girlfriends — no one to recommend a good hair stylist, a gynecologist or to share a coffee with.

It takes vulnerability to make friends, a willingness to maybe make overtures that might be rejected, but almost 30 years later, friend by friend, step by step, I can say it’s worth it.

Try these three steps and see if you have the same luck.

Step 1: Go Where the People Are

“Join a class” is a common suggestion for a reason. The potential for connecting with like-minded souls who share your interests is stellar. Not sure what kind of class to take? My big recommendation is a memoir writing group.

If your immediate reaction is I’m not a writer, I respectfully disagree. Everybody has a story to tell and if you know the difference between a noun and a verb, you can write. When you’re all sharing personal heartaches and joys, you’re on the fast track toward creating trust and friendships. Memoir groups are how I made my first real friends in New York. Check out libraries, Facebook groups, and adult ed programs at your local high school to find one.

Another option — though this might require some sweating — is a gym. After moving to California, my buddy Lynn swears she made most of her friends while waiting for a lane at her local pool or chatting in the locker room. And if you don’t meet anyone you like, at least you’ll build muscle. Lynn also joined a hiking club and hiked her way into new friendships.

One other great friend-meeting location — the park. Recruit a dog and head to a dog run. While all the pups are making friends by sniffing butts, you get to meet their humans. Just don’t sniff anyone’s butt.

Or — hey! — right here on this site, you can join one of The Ethel Circle’s Gathering Groups. You’ll become part of a local private Facebook group led by a volunteer organizer (or you can be the organizer) who arranges fun activities with other women in your area who want to make friends. More than 65,000 women throughout the country have already joined. That’s a lot of new friendships in the works. See, easy!

Step 2: Make Conversation

When I was in 7th grade, I learned that giving compliments was an easy way to get someone to talk to me. “Pretty blouse!” or “Groovy bracelet!” was a great entrée to someone saying, “Thanks! Want to sit together at lunch?”  

As an all-grown-up person, I now know there’s deeper value in making someone feel seen and appreciated. Everyone has at least one admirable something you can comment on — an engaging laugh or their elegant posture. The moment the other person responds, you’ve started a conversation. And that’s where friendships begin.

I met my friend Michelle when I stepped into a crowded elevator and noticed she was wearing the same Charles Jourdan heels as me. “Girlfriend shoes!” I announced. I met another friend at a professional luncheon when I approached her to note we had the same curls. That led to a shampoo discussion — and eventually, besties status.

Step 3: Be an Instigator

Of course, as one friend says, “You can’t microwave a friendship.” At first, you may need to be the one to suggest plans and set up outings. If it turns out that you and the women you met at the gym all love Bridgerton, organize a watch party for the season finale. Arrange a morning get-together at a farmer’s market or, if you’re in a city that offers them, go on a walking tour. My friend Liz and I met on a gelato tasting tour in New York.

It’s easy to fall into a mental trap of everyone’s busy with the friends they’ve got; they don’t need a new friend. Assume most people do want more friends. You’re not imposing if you suggest a coffee date. Impose away! They can always say, “I’m busy.” If they say it a couple times, you’ll know they aren’t interested and you’ll move on. Think of it like dating in high school, only this time you’re dating for friends. And like dating, it may not be a fit, but keep at it.

That’s it. Three snappy steps. Location. Conversation. Instigation.

Be open to friends of all ages. My friend Ruth is 104. She makes me feel like I still have a grandmother. I’m sure my 24-year-old friend Lucia thinks of me as a grandmother, but it all works and broadens my world.

So, how’s my sister Gina doing as the new girl in town? Just fine, thank you. She hosted a Super Bowl party and 28 neighbors showed up. She also organized a Gourmet Club, where neighbors take turns hosting rotating small dinner parties — 103 people signed up, many of whom are now her friends.

Linda Yellin is the author of Such A Lovely Couple about her first marriage and The Last Blind Date about her second marriage. No new husbands were involved in the writing of her novel, What Nora Knew.