At 76, I’ve Become Very Picky About the Friendships I Keep

Here are the kinds of women I stick with.

By

Janie Emaus

 
Published November 07, 2024
Group of women sitting at a table, conversing
Beya Rebai

At 76, I’m thankful to have friends who I know will last. Ones I can count on in an emergency, no matter the time. Ones I can lament with about age spots, aching joints and forgotten words.

Some of these friends I have known for over 60 years. No one understands me like the girls with whom I hung out when I was a shy teenager trying to figure out my place in the world. They know the real me.

Other good friends I have met in more recent years. But unlike during my childhood where school, the playground and summer camp provided easy opportunities to meet people, at this age, I realized I had to put myself in situations where I could find like-minded individuals who were also looking for meaningful friendships — that would last.

As stated in this article on friendship posted by the Mayo Clinic: ‘Remember, it's never too late to develop new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.”

Finding someone who gets the “authentic you” isn’t as easy once our youth is in the rearview mirror, but not impossible. Here is what I found to be true, in my own pursuit of old and new friends who get me and make me happy.

Shared beliefs — When you share the same beliefs, whether political, religious, spiritual or even nutritional, it’s easier for a lasting friendship to develop. As I age, I know myself better than when I was growing up and I know what differences I can tolerate. By joining a group from your religious affiliation, or volunteering for your favorite charity, you are destined to meet people who feel and think as you do.

In my mid-50s, I met Christina, now one of my very best friends. After our first lunch together, I knew we would always remain in touch. Over tacos and iced tea, we realized we shared the same philosophies on raising kids, dealing with aging parents and political issues. To this day, we email and text several times a day.

Co-workers & Professional Colleagues — When you spend eight or more hours a day with people, they become like a second family. The closeness lends itself to making and keeping good friends. One of the best things about having friends in your workplace, you connect with an intergenerational group and age rarely matters.

I worked with Erica, for 10 years in the accounting department of a video company. Over balancing financial statements and many happy hours, we began to know and really like each other. Our 15-year age difference melted away. Teamwork and troubleshooting five days a week for a decade drew us into each other’s lives.

Shared Pastime Passions — No one wants to view dozens of photos of your grandchildren if they don’t have any of their own. Cat people could care less if your dog chewed your favorite blanket. And lamenting over a sand trap means nothing to a non-golfer. By joining a group that targets your passions, your possibility of making a good friend increases tenfold. Many of these groups can be found on Facebook sites such as The Ethel On-The-Go for women who love to travel and The Girlfriend Book Club for those who love to read — both from AARP.

It may seem strange for us to make online friends, but often they become friends in real life. A few years ago, at an Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, I met and quickly bonded with a group of women there. We ate every conference meal together and once home we set up monthly Zoom meetings. We have a mini-retreat planned for next year, and I know these relationships are going to last.

Economic status — It’s easy to enjoy time with old friends, even when you fall into different tax brackets. When you go back to the college days of cheap Boone’s Farm Apple Wine and Ripple, money did not matter so much.

With newer friends, if our budgets are similarly flexible to join for a play and fine dining, or a casual dinner of burgers and fries, this adds to the possibility of relationships that can last.

Nothing is worse than splitting a dinner bill four ways, only to have one person order a $100 bottle of wine. That friendship will probably be cold before the bill arrives.

Retirement Villages — I have several friends who have moved to retirement villages for the sole reason of finding new friends. Some say it’s a bit like high school, with cliques and gossip spreading like the old-fashioned game of Telephone. But once they settled in and found their tribes, they had great long-lasting friends.

As we grow older, friendships might not come as easily as those days when we passed notes under school desks instead of text messages. But if there is a mutual desire based on mutual passions and interests, it will happen. You simply have to put yourself in the right place with the correct frame of mind.

How have you made friends as you've grown older? Let us know in the comments below.

Janie Emaus is the author of the blended holiday picture books, Latkes for Santa Claus, a finalist in the 2022 International Book Awards, and Easter Eggs & Matzo Balls. Her third picture book, Mrs. Claus’s Noodle Kugel, will be released in September 2026. She is also the author of the novels The Advice Columnist and The Time Traveling Matchmaker. Her essays, stories and articles have been published in numerous magazines, anthologies and websites. To learn more about Janie, visit janieemaus.com.