The Pros and Cons of Moving Closer to Your Kids

What I'm thinking now that grandchildren are coming.

By
Published August 20, 2026
Illustration of an older adult driving on a highway with a family photo displayed on the dashboard and moving boxes visible through the rearview mirror
Pete Gamlen

I’m 61 and don’t have grandchildren, but I’ve been window-shopping for baby books and snuggly blankets lately. Since social media can apparently read our minds, a clip showed up on my feed recently. An adorable four-year-old boy is queried by the camera, “Where does your grandmother live?”

“Oh, Grandma lives at the airport,” he answers confidently. “When we want to see her, we go pick her up there.”

As funny as the video was, that’s definitely not how I want my grandbabies to think of me. My 20-something kids are scattered across the country. I don’t know where they want to live long-term. Nonetheless, I’ve started debating moving to wherever they are or might be once grandkids arrive.

The good news? Forty-six percent of grandparents see their grands at least once a month, according to the National Poll on Healthy Aging conducted by the University of Michigan; 18% see them daily or almost every day. On the flip side, a lot of us are like me — viscerally aware that distance is the biggest barrier for grandparents and grandchildren. As most of us know intuitively, research shows myriad reasons for grandparents to be closer to our grandchildren:

PSYCHOLOGICAL SATISFACTION AND MENTAL HEALTH

Various studies by the University of Michigan, Boston College, Oxford and Harvard have found that grandparents and grandchildren who regularly see each other report better mental health, resiliency and less isolation. Grandkids benefit too. Strong grandparent-grandchild bonds are statistically associated with better adjustment and fewer difficulties with peers, mitigating the adverse effects of common childhood experiences like parental breakups and bullying.

TIME AND TREASURE: LONG-TERM, MUTUAL ECONOMIC ASSISTANCE AND CAREGIVING SUPPORT

I’ve seen firsthand that intergenerational families living close by are a two-way street. Over time, many grandparents benefit from the economic, caregiving and emotional support of having adult children and grandchildren nearby to assist with managing finances, paying bills, accessing good healthcare and aging in place. However, I am a Washington, D.C., native with a close circle of men, women, neighbors and doctors I count on and love. So while the research shows it is good for Grandma and her grands, will I ever really want to leave this safe, warm nest that has been my home for most of my life?

DESIRE TO HELP ADULT CHILDREN BALANCE WORK AND FAMILY

I was among the millions of working moms in the 1990s and 2000s juggling careers and childcare in ways our mothers never imagined. According to The Wall Street Journal, data suggests the so-called “Mommy Wars” generation wants to help its adult children manage the working-parenthood high-wire act. Many of us are willing to relocate to help our daughters (and sons) with the exhaustion, isolation and guilt that we understand all too well can accompany working parenthood.

NO QUICK MOVES: CONSIDER PROS AND CONS

As you consider these perks, have a heart-to-heart with the most important person in your life: you. Is this an unspoken bargain, moving so your children will involve you more in their lives? How might it feel to sacrifice your travel and lifestyle goals in retirement? Do you expect your family to “return the favor” when you need support? Or (better) are you moving because it is truly what you want, regardless of how often you will see your grandchildren and the care you might receive in return? To defog any rose-colored glasses about the Hallmark movie of your family, consider these practical advantages and disadvantages of retiring near your adult children and grandchildren.

Upsides

  • Greater involvement in your grandchildren’s daily lives and deeper family bonds.
  • Support for your adult children with child-rearing responsibilities.
  • Decreased isolation and improved mental health.
  • Potentially lower lifestyle costs, depending on location.
  • Less travel for family occasions or emergencies.
  • Greater family support during life changes (loss of a spouse or health declines).

Downsides

  • Emotional and financial costs of leaving an established community.
  • Conflict with a partner who doesn’t share your relocation desires.
  • Resentment from being taken for granted for childcare responsibilities.
  • Pre-existing friction with an adult child that lingers or is exacerbated.
  • Geographic location not suited to your preferences, budget or healthcare needs.
  • Family tension if one adult child or stepchild’s location is chosen over another’s.
  • Risk that adult children may relocate again, requiring repeat moves.

TALK BEFORE YOU CALL THE MOVING TRUCK

Don’t skip this critical step: talk openly with your children about the pros and cons of moving. Ask them if they want you there! Do they plan to stay in the area or move every few years? Discuss mutually acceptable boundaries around babysitting, drop-in visits and reciprocal care to make sure your outlooks align.

SMART SOLUTIONS

Finally, consider alternatives. Uprooting your life, even for family, can be emotionally and financially treacherous. The following options might achieve your goals while minimizing risk to your relationships, psychological well-being and long-term economic stability.

Schedule regular family vacations

One of the upsides of retirement is that you can travel when your grandkids have school breaks, deepening your relationships with them, helping your adult kids get a true vacation from childcare and establishing meaningful family traditions. All without changing your permanent address.

Explore temporary changes

Consider local rentals during times your kids need you most. Or, if this is financially feasible, think about purchasing a small condo (one that is easy to resell) while keeping your primary residence.

Offer to help pay for family visits

This makes it easier for adult children and grandchildren to get to you for fun, emotional support, much-needed breaks and the chance to explore other parts of the country (or world).

Lastly, as you make this decision, remember to put your needs first. For many of us, this is the hardest psychological barrier, but this consideration must outweigh all economic and practical factors. We’ve spent a lifetime caring for our families; it’s time to care for ourselves. Maybe this means not moving — or perhaps the best self-care is to surround ourselves with grandchildren.

Part of the wisdom that comes with aging is recognizing that if we take care of ourselves, everything else works out over time.

Have any of you moved closer to your kids? Let us know in the comments below.

Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four books, including The Naked Truth, which explores femininity, aging and sexuality after 50, and The New York Times best-selling memoir, Crazy Love. Visit her via her website, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.