How to Fix Up Your Family and Friends

Advice from an amateur matchmaker who set up 30 marriages.

By

Susan Shapiro

 
Published September 03, 2026
Colorful illustration showing three adults gathered around a heart-shaped bowl while two hands meet in the center
Tara Jacoby

When Valerie, the older filmmaker I was freelancing for, set me up with her colleague Charlie, I told her, “He’s smart and sweet but not my type.”

“You’re type is neurotic, self-destructive and not interested in you,” she told me. “Go out with him again.”

I’m so glad I listened. We have been married for going on 30 years.

“If you find someone you want to date, bring this person to your friends and involve them in your social circle,” psychotherapist Esther Perel recently told Oprah on her podcast. They were discussing better ways to connect romantically in this age where remote working, learning and scrolling has led to a loneliness epidemic.

I’d take it even farther by fixing up your colleagues and cohort. Indeed, so many solo players I know have Dating App Fatigue, relaying horror stories of being catfished, love bombed, scammed or cyber-stalked. They’d much rather meet someone the old fashioned way — in real life — introduced by another human.

While one-to-one matchmaking is back in style, many can’t afford the exorbitant expense. Since recent reports stress the importance of Friendfluence in dating, as noted in Cosmopolitan, why not let pals who know and admire you pick your potential partner?

It worked for me and the 30 duets I introduced.

Being a love liaison for your inner circle is much easier than people think. It doesn’t require special skills, much money, or an extensive network. You don’t need a mate yourself; I fixed up many marriages while I was single. Yes, trying your hand at matchmaking comes with the risk that a pair won’t connect. Yet the benefits are enormous. I expanded my social scene, made others happy while boosting my confidence as a host. In fact, I think all the good relationship karma ramped up my own love life when Valerie and another boss set me up with my prospective husband — and his runner up.

Here are simple actions that anyone, at any age, can take to help spread romance in the world.

1. Invite people over: Right before starting college, the little gathering I threw in my parents’ Midwest basement was immortalized forever when two girlfriends, Nancy and Suzanne, met the guys they ended up marrying. You can use July 4 or Labor Day as an excuse for a casual barbecue or picnic. Or plan around Christmas or Hanukkah for a game night or mixer at your place. If you’re broke, make it a potluck. If your place is too small, meet at a local restaurant.

2. Start an ongoing professional group: Hosting a weekly writing workshop in my Manhattan living room, three couples wound up together – adding three kids to the planet, one named Esme Johanna (after Salinger and Bob Dylan characters). Another member named Bennett came, then met his husband on the walk home, another couple I claim credit for too.

3. Set up a double date: When my brother came to New York to celebrate finishing medical school, my boyfriend and I got extra tickets to a Broadway show for him and a coworker of mine who had switched to nursing school. They’re now married with four amazing children, so one fix up inadvertently added to my own family tree.

4. Bring available guests with you: When another boss — who’d complained about being single after her divorce — was throwing a brunch at her home, I asked her what to bring. She said, “single men.” I came with two unmarried gentlemen of the right age, one she wound up dating.

5. Hand a potential suitor a phone number: After Valerie shared my contact info with Charlie, he called, we went out, and six years later she danced at our wedding. So I was happy to pay it forward and share the digits of my favorite editor Danielle with Todd, a single buddy of my husband (with her permission, of course). It was a good sign when they both emailed to thank me the next day. They recently celebrated their 20th anniversary.

6. Plan special singles events: One night I hosted a book launch for my breakup memoir with the invitation “Bring an Ex — for Just Desserts,” serving champagne and chocolate, suggesting each guest come with an old flame who was now unattached. On Valentine’s Day, I sponsored a reading about love gone wrong. And when my college roommate Karen wanted to throw a summer soiree in our Michigan hometown, we secretly made the theme her “find a husband party.” I invited all the local guys I knew. She ended up wed to Jeff, bachelor #3 — now the father of her three offspring — one who is going to our University of Michigan alma mater.

7. Point to the past: I encouraged my long-distance colleague Michelle to reconnect with Jon, her college beau who got away. She wrote him, asking how he was doing and confessing she still thought about him. That message turned into love rematch and marriage a few decades late. I highly recommend everyone look through old yearbooks and check social media to see if the one who got away might be available to come back, for good this time.

8. Push for passion: When my physical therapist Kenan mentioned that a beautiful woman named Mirela messaged him on Facebook but was too far away in his Bosnia hometown, I suggested they FaceTime. After he fell for her on screen, I told him, “Don’t have a love affair on your iPhone. Get on a plane.” He did. Mirela, Kenan and their son now live two blocks from us and we double date — so this set up actually enhanced my own social life.

In fact, we’re all having dinner to celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary to Charlie, where I’ll silently toast my matchmaker for finding me my soulmate — and making sure I didn’t screw up.

Have you ever fixed anyone up? How did it go? Let us know in the comments below.

Susan Shapiro is the author/coauthor of books her family hates, like the memoirs The Forgiveness Tour and Five Men Who Broke My Heart, recently optioned for a movie. She now teaches her popular “instant gratification takes too long” writing/publishing classes online. You can follow her on Instagram or email her at Profsue123@gmail.com.