How I Finally Learned to Deal With My Insomnia

What I let go of that finally put me to sleep.

By

Kristina Wright

 
Published May 29, 2025
woman in pajamas, laying on cloud, sheep jumping, illustration
Kaitlin Brito

For most of my life, I saw insomnia as a battle to be won. I tried the teas, the supplements, the bedtime routines. I cut out caffeine, avoided screens, and made sure my bedroom was a sanctuary for rest. I know all too well the frustration of being tired yet unable to drift off, or waking up in the middle of the night with no hope of falling back asleep. I have lain in bed while the rest of my family slept, and I have stressed over every lost hour.

When I finally learned to make peace with my insomnia in my 40s, it stopped feeling like such a burden. Part of this shift came from realizing that my wakeful nights aren’t necessarily bad. Rather than seeing insomnia as an enemy, I have started viewing it as part of my natural rhythm.

The Science Behind Insomnia in Older Adults

I’m not the only one who is often wide-eyed in the night — insomnia is incredibly common, especially as we get older. According to research published in the Journal of Clinical Medicine, 10 percent of adults in the U.S. experience chronic insomnia — persistent difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep — with another 30 to 50 percent of adults reporting that they have experienced insomnia symptoms. This prevalence only increases with age due to changes in circadian rhythms, decreased melatonin production, and underlying health issues. In fact, Current Geriatric Reports finds that up to 75 percent of older adults experience symptoms of insomnia.

Knowing how common insomnia is among women my age has helped me shift my mindset. Rather than seeing sleeplessness as an inconvenience, I accept it as a natural part of my lifestyle.

The Impact of Insomnia on Memory and Daily Life

We know that sleep is important to cognitive ability. I can personally attest to how a lack of sleep affects my memory — I’ve had more mornings than I can count where I forget why I walked into a room or struggle to recall a word that’s just on the tip of my tongue. And on particularly bad nights of insomnia, I’m not just forgetful, I’m also clumsy and moody, prone to bumping into furniture or becoming easily frustrated.

Research suggests that sleep plays a crucial role in memory consolidation, helping to clear out brain toxins and reinforce learning. Without enough sleep, both short-term and long-term memory can suffer, making everyday tasks feel more challenging. But getting enough sleep has always been difficult for me, and it hasn’t gotten easier with age.

The Surprising History of Segmented Sleep

For me, the answer to insomnia has been to go with the flow. Which might mean sleeping from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m., being awake for a couple of hours, and then going back to sleep from 4 a.m. to 7 a.m. It’s not always convenient, depending on my schedule, but making sure I average around 7 to 8 hours of sleep, even if it’s disrupted by a stretch of wakefulness in between, goes a long way to making me feel rested and functional. If my body naturally wants to wake in the middle of the night, why not lean into it rather than fight it?

I’m not the first person to discover the benefits of sleeping this way — biphasic sleep, or “two sleeps,” was common prior to the Industrial Revolution. People would wake naturally in the middle of the night for a few hours before returning to bed. Some historians believe this was a healthier, more natural sleep pattern than our modern expectation of sleeping through the night. Of course, our schedules don’t typically accommodate this way of sleeping, but as our time becomes more of our own in our later years, maybe we can adapt our sleep schedules to fit our needs.

Letting Go of My Anxiety Around Sleep

 

I used to see my insomnia as a problem that needed fixing, but now I view it as just another part of who I am. Instead of resenting my sleepless nights, I embrace my wakefulness as an opportunity. Now, when it’s possible, I get up and do something quiet and fulfilling during those wakeful hours, then extend my “second sleep” until I feel rested. Reading a good book calms my mind and signals to my body that it’s time to wind down, while creative activities like writing or painting make the time feel productive rather than frustrating. If my thoughts race, guided meditation, nature sounds, or soft music can ease my mind.

Ironically, the less I stress about sleep, the easier it comes. I still have nights where I sleep soundly, but on the ones I don’t, I no longer spend those hours in frustration. Instead, I embrace the quiet and make use of the time in ways that feel restorative. Simply lying in bed with my eyes closed allows my body to recharge. This practice, often referred to as "quiet wakefulness,” has been shown to it can be as beneficial as napping, helping with muscle repair and cognitive function. So even when I can’t sleep, I know I’m still benefiting from the time I spend resting.

So if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night, maybe it’s not a problem to be fixed. Maybe it’s just your natural rhythm — one you don’t have to fight.

(Also, please do check with your doctor if you continue having problems with sleep or have questions about your insomnia.)

 

How many of you struggle with sleep? What do you do about it? Let us know in the comments below.

 

Kristina Wright has written for a variety of publications, including the Washington Post, Business Insider, The Girlfriend, Narratively and USA Today. She is a regular contributor at Optimism and BookBub, and she writes a monthly column for the Washington Independent Review of Books. Kristina lives in the suburbs of Richmond, Virginia, with her husband, two teenage sons, two Goldendoodles and a ginger cat.