How to Be Your Own Therapist

Do the following to improve your life on your own.

By

Susan Shapiro

 
Published April 23, 2026

During rough patches of career catastrophes, humiliating breakups and toxic habits, I was blessed with two compassionate therapists at different times who offered weekly support and smart advice. Yet the cost was too high to continue.

Depression, anxiety and addiction rates are rising in this country, yet insurance plans limit therapeutic coverage and out-of-pocket fees (which can run $400 a session!) are challenging or prohibitive.

Serious conditions like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder require medical treatment and professional help. Yet in cases with less severe issues, many behavioral health experts say practicing certain therapeutic techniques can help you improve your life on your own. Here are some strategies I learned from the best. 

Set Specific Goals

“You have to admit to having a precise problem before anything can change,” said my former psychologist Dr. Frederick Woolverton, who’s based in Arkansas. “Decide whether you want to enhance your relationships, profession, household, quit a bad habit or become more optimistic. Then figure out what you can do about it. ‘I’m feeling depressed and lethargic,’ is less actionable than ‘I hate my boss and need to call a career counselor this week,’” he clarified. Be as focused as possible.

Enhance Self-Care

As the saying goes, the six best doctors in the world are sun, rest, exercise, diet, self-confidence and friends. “Much of my work is helping patients learn methods of self-soothing,” says Judith Burdick, a Michigan psychotherapist. “Taking better care of yourself is essential to manage anxiety, maximize energy and prioritize your needs. It’s a way to heal from trauma that often stems from not being well taken care of by others.” When I’m able to splurge, I’ll get a manicure, pedicure and 10-minute massage, or order in my favorite healthy meal and binge-watch “Bridgerton,” calling a girlfriend to gab about it later.

Keep a Daily Journal

“Good therapy involves making a reflective space between feelings and actions,” says Manhattan psychiatrist Carlos Saavedra. “Jotting down words to describe what you’re feeling helps you understand your emotions.” Some prefer note apps on their phone. Being old school, I bought a new $7.99 notebook and $2 multi-colored pen for self-reflection and to copy inspiring adages, like Dr. Maya Angelou’s, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

According to a study by the American Psychological Association, “Self-affirmations — brief exercises in which people reflect on their core values, identity and positive traits — can increase people’s general well-being and make them happier in small but significant ways.”

Share Your Sadness

Woolverton suggests that we “lead the least secretive life” we can by revealing your struggles to close friends, relatives or trusted classmates. In my writing courses, the first assignment I give is “chronicle your most humiliating secret.” I ask my students to turn their worst experiences into art and point to my memoirs Five Men Who Broke My Heart and Lightning Up, which chronicled my own healing from substance abuse and heartbreak.

Meet Weekly With a Mentor

Get together regularly with a favorite teacher, former boss or religious leader, even if it’s just a half-hour coffee break. “The advice of a relative or friend may not be objective,” notes Emanuel Mandel, a psychotherapist in Silver Spring, Maryland. “Get guidance from someone not affected by your day-to-day life decisions. For commitment issues, find someone happily married. If you’re frustrated with unemployment, pick someone successful to emulate.” 

If your go-to is long distance or unavailable in person, check in by FaceTime, on the phone or by texting. If an individual can’t commit frequently, rotate them. Whenever possible, hang out with people you want to be like.

Seek Free Group Support

Daily in-person and online meetings combat drug and alcohol problems, smoking, overeating, sex addiction, gambling, overspending and grief. “Some recovery groups can be more powerful than one-on-one therapy, especially if there are role models who’ve overcome the issue you’re facing and offer non-judgmental listening,” explains Florida psychologist Diana Kirschner. “You might succeed because you don’t want to let your cohort down.” Some companies have Employee Assistance Programs, and schools often offer mental health services for students and teachers. While some studies have shown the dangers of AI therapy, apps like Sober Sidekick, PTSD Coach and Quitzilla sidestep the perils of fake chatbots and can make you feel less alone.

Create Your Calming Ritual

“Sitting in silence during a circumscribed period of time is calming and makes you more aware of your emotional flow, teaching you to self-regulate,” says Saavedra. Lots of yoga studios have classes in meditation and there are apps you can download to find mindfulness and relaxation. It doesn’t have to be in a class or follow rigid practice rules. Sometimes I just dim the lights, turn on music I love, shut my eyes and breathe in deeply for 10 minutes.

Find Like-Minded Peers

Seek out your cohort, whether it’s at a house of worship, LGBTQ+ center, weekly knitting circle, park cleanup, reading group or an alumni association. Take or teach a class, volunteer or get involved with a charity you want to champion. The 2025 World Happiness Report corroborated that strong social connections are important drivers of well-being.

Plan Exercise Play Dates

“Having someone mirror your activity helps with motivation and accountability,” says Kirschner. While some run, swim, compete in tennis or play pickleball with a partner, I prefer walking 10,000 steps daily. I started walk-and-talk office hours with students at my local park after work. That expanded to include colleagues, friends and relatives and is now the highlight of my day. It’s easier and healthier than grabbing drinks or a meal, helps me unplug outside with nature, adds human contact and I return refreshed — mentally and physically.

Susan Shapiro is the author/coauthor of books her family hates, like the memoirs The Forgiveness Tour and Five Men Who Broke My Heart, recently optioned for a movie. She now teaches her popular “instant gratification takes too long” writing/publishing classes online. You can follow her on Instagram or email her at Profsue123@gmail.com.